So, I convinced my friend to go to OA with me....we both agreed that we overeat, despite not actively WANTING to overeat...talking with my sister got me to thinking...look at all of the people that have had various weight loss surgeries. Most of them that I know, with the exception of one person, have gained that weight back, have re stretched their stomachs to accommodate too large portions of food once again. It made me realize if something is to be done about this issue, it must start in the head and not in the stomach.
I aim to get to the core reasoning behind my overeating, and change the pattern of illness, and replace them with healthy habits and practices, rather than slice my body up and possibly damage myself further. There are no quick fixes, only hard work and dedication. And if you can't dedicate your time to yourself, who can you dedicate it to?
So, week #1, we truck out to Avon, arrive, realize we're half an hour early and go for a walk, we were lighthearted and laughing on the way back when we met character #1, I'll call him Darth Maul...followed very shortly thereafter by character #2, we'll call him Tweedle-dee...they stood outside of the church attempting to open the doors to a church that we informed them was locked (both of them had to try it). They introduced themselves and asked our names and we chatted a bit...they asked where we were from and proceeded to both inform us of every meeting within a 50 mile radius (some in Mass.) that were "closest to us"...I laughed and asked if they were trying to get rid of us before we even got started...when a slim woman arrived.
Now, it's important to fill you in here, that the friend I came with is not a shy woman, she's brassy and outspoken, and if something seems "fishy" to her, she'll quip up about it, without hesitation. Enter aforementioned woman. She says, "Hi my name is so and so, I'm running the meeting tonight"...well my friend shocks the hell out of me by saying, "You know? Isn't this just like EVERY fat person clothing magazine you've ever seen?" and I said, "What do you mean?" and she says, out loud, and sitting right next to the new woman who has just arrived, "They have fat people clothes, but skinny models! Just like the thin lady running the OA meeting!"...my "inappropriate in public" meter went off the charts and I dove in to save her...(the woman was clearly offended)...nobody wants to be told they aren't "fat enough" to join OA lol (talk about reverse discrimination)...it is then that it was pointed out to us that OA is not just for over eaters, but anyone that has any kind of eating disorder. So there are also people who are bulimic and anorexic. People from other Anonymous groups may have "cross addictions" and show up to our meetings as well. We did make it into the meeting with people still speaking to us at least.
I thought our first night was confusing, I didn't understand what you were supposed to "do". But we sat and listened, and thought to ourselves, "we do not identify with anyone here and we don't belong here". The thinnest girl in the room touched me the most, when she outlined her heart wrenching story of how she felt about food, how it controlled her life, how she thought about it every second, about how it affected her relationships. It touched me to think that most people would look at her external beauty and think, "shes got it all together" and not realize she had a hail storm going on inside her head....
After listening to everyone's story, the meeting ended, we spoke to a seasoned member who convinced us to return the following week. I didn't see how what we had done that night cold be applied to any practical "weight loss" or how following the 12 steps could help you to lose weight, but it's an idea I'm willing to get to the bottom of.
Enter week #2...we arrive, we recognize faces, people greet us cheerfully, pleased that we have come again. We have a guest speaker this evening. An Italian woman who tells her story of how she put on all of her weight, and what it took for her to rip it all back off. Her story was moving...and she made several good points, and threw in a few laughs to boot (funny goes a long way with me)...my friend, identified closely with her, also being Italian (I am too, just not "as" Italian).
This week, I feel comfortable enough to add my phone number to "the list" they pass around to lend yourself for support to other members. It was a large meeting, there were quite a few people there, and people shared stories that I found touching and I could connect with a few people on a varying levels. There is a girl there that I noticed was looking at me a few times, and smiled when I noticed her, I think I went to high school with her, but I'm not sure.
Despite the one creepy dude that showed up mid meeting, pulled up a chair RIGHT behind my friend, and jumped on us immediately after the meeting to ask what our names are and shake hands, my mouth may have said my name, but my body language responded, "My name is fuck off"
. I don't like the creepy sex-predator vibe I get from a few of the people there, I think there are people that prey on the insecurities of the women in these meetings looking for a victim. I'm very cautious about this...good thing I had my knife.
Meeting two ended and we talked to an old time member. She seems very sweet. I'm thinking that I want a sponsor. I want someone to be accountable to, it helps keep me on track. My sister can't really BE my sponsor, because she isn't a member (I think, I don't fully understand how it works yet)...of all the regular crowd, I've picked out who I'd like to be my sponsor...I just don't know if she's able to and she's going to be away for two weeks on vacation......I don't think next week will be as interesting without her insights.
Today is day one.
